photo courtesy of Salvatore Vuono
I roll over and look at the clock- 4:09- and the Beach Boys song comes into my head, “She’s real fine my four-oh-nine!”
I’m up because I’m a planner, and I seem to do my best thinking while I’m laying in bed in the middle of the night. Much like many small business owners.
I can sympathize with them. As a psychotherapist in private practice, I, too, am a small business owner and entrepreneur. So I know the strengths and weaknesses of our personality traits and behaviors, and how they can get out of hand at times.
Are you a small business owner? Does this sound like you?
Personality: Goal-oriented; high need for independence; big-picture thinker but can implement very quickly; can hold off for long-term rewards (not impulsive); calculated risk-taker; driven and motivated; dreamer.
The plus side is that these traits are highly sought after by others and work very well for the entrepreneur. But these traits have a shadow side. See if this also sounds like you: Poor sleep habits; random eating schedule; can put off reward, but end up not participating in family activities and personal hobbies; dream about “one day” but never realize the good things in the present moment; driven towards “success” but can’t really define what that means; lose sight of options because you have chosen a way to go and don’t want to take a different route.
My entrepreneur clients have a lot in common and usually come in to therapy for the same reasons most people do, such as relationship and emotional problems. But they have unique traits and phrases that can make for interesting road-blocks. But once these are overcome, they typically show the same positive outcomes that they show in business.
The “one choice” bias: This is when someone has made a decision and has stopped looking at options. This is because they feel they have already “surveyed the landscape” and know that this is the best (hence “only”) decision.
Black-or-white thinking: The best choice is the only choice because the person sees the other options as terrible… there is no middle ground.
Poorly defined success: This person is highly driven towards success, but when asked what that means, they have to stop and think for a very long time. Money is usually the default answer, but you’ll find that (in most cases) they already make a decent living- to which their response is “more money”, but they can never tell you why that is.
Huge amounts of justification: Lots of time spent at work, yet they wonder why their marriages and relationships with children and friends start crumbling. They justify this as trying to help their family be successful, and this is the sacrifice that has to be made. However, the goal they have come up with is not the same as the family’s goal, and doing it “for the family” is merely a way to justify bad choices. It may have been noble in the beginning, but has become warped over time. Anger starts to set in when family confronts this “selfishness”.
Lack of self-identity: An entrepreneurs’ self-worth can get tied-in with their work, so when work suffers, they suffer. This person needs help in seeing that they are not the same person as their work, and that their identity is much more that the success or failure of their business.
Psychotherapy can be very helpful to the small business owner. In fact, the therapy itself may play out the entrepreneur’s issues (scheduling conflicts, payment/money issues, poor boundaries between personal/work life- such as answering all phone calls in session). A psychotherapist is well-versed in these issues and can do wonders to get you back on track.
